Wednesday, June 30, 2004

A Brief Look @ 'Gym Rats'

We love the gym. It’s a place for us to forget about the daily crap. Exercise allows us to deal with stress without beating someone’s ass, or, for me at least,the higher probability, without getting our own asses beat. We put our headphones on, turn the volume up, and we're in our own worlds. There are, however, intruders into the “my own world” world. These intruders inadvertently pull us away from our worlds because of how ridiculous they are. People like the “weight belt guy”. C’mon you know him. You might even be him. He wears his belt no matter what he’s doing, even if he's only working out his forearms. There are three types of “weight belt guy”. Type-A wears the belt to let everyone know he’s a serious lifter. He doesn’t look all that big and strong, but wait… now you see the belt, and now you know that he’s not one to be reckoned with. Type-B wears the belt as a girdle. A girdle that doesn’t work. Then there’s Type-AB, a self-explanatory mix of the two. There’s the ever famous “health club/night club guy”. He’s the one that might as well have a cocktail. He’s by the bench press, scoping the scene. Oh… what’s this? A pretty, young thing over on the leg curl machine working her, oh-so-fine glutes. He struts over, says something along the lines of, “Working your glutes, huh? Maybe later you could show me how to work your glutes”, he gets denied, goes back over to the bench press and says, “She’s a snob, totally stuck on herself.” We have “random talker guy”. This guy means well, he’s just annoying as hell. You're working out, headphones blaring, sweat dripping. Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye you see some stranger motioning for you to take off your headphones. You think, “maybe I’ve got a booger, and this guy’s considerate enough to let me know”, so you take off your headphones. “Everyone these days wears headphones, I mean, I feel like I’m working out in this gym by myself”, he says with a smile. WHAT!?! We’ve all seen the “gym owner guy”. He doesn’t technically own the gym, but he walks around like he does. My personal favorite is “advice-giver guy”. You might think you see “Type-AB Weight Belt Guy”, but then he approaches you to let you know what you’re doing wrong and how to fix it. That's "advice-giver guy". Of course you know he’s right. He is, after all, wearing a weight belt. Here’s a true story. Kennedy, Boyd, and I were all working out together a few years ago. Out of nowhere comes “advice-giver guy”. He wore a red tanktop tucked into his black spandex shorts. He had his trophy of a gut folded over his cinched weight belt. I don’t know how his bird-legs supported his disproportionate upper body, but somehow he managed. Keep in mind that Kennedy outweighs Boyd and me by at least 20 pounds of muscle. As Kennedy is doing his set, “advice-giver guy” says to Boyd and me in the most southern of Texas draws, “Watch an' learn boys. This guy knows how it’s done” as he motions to Kennedy. He follows up with, “That and eatin' the shit outta creatine. That’s how I done it.” I think we left after that. We seriously couldn’t exercise anymore, because we were too busy trying not to laugh at this joker. There are plenty of other types, and I haven’t even touched on the women yet (no pun intended). Maybe we’ll explore other types at a later date. I love you all. -M


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Reading while on the Treadmill Woman" is one that whips my fat ass! She probably weighs about 250 and is 5'3 tall. She wears tight knit pants..very similar to "stirrup" pants (let's all pray those sons of bitches never make a comeback). She may wear a T-shirt that says something like "Teachers have CLASS". This hooker has the treadmill on maybe 2.3 and no incline as she reads "Better Home and Gardens" or book on "How to feel good about yourself". Her heart rate never gets up high enough to accomplish anything. The only think this lady burns is rubber as she leaves the gym to get to Sonic in time for some Cheesy Tots and Supersonic Burger.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Mikol said...

WOW!!! My entry was kinda light and fun-loving. It sounds like you've got some anger issues. UNLESS... Are these self-hate issues? Is that "little" lady on the treadmiill you?

8:26 AM  
Blogger Kennedy said...

That was a funny day in the gym. Still tell people about that guy!! HE is the sole reason I will NEVER go up to people to give advice no matter how fowl there form is!

I think Mikol was working with, what was it, 20 lbs that day? Tried to help him with the form as the "advice giver" said to and I ended up pushing most the weight :( To bad we could not below the minimum 20 lbs. that day huh Mikol ;p

Gotta go EAT!!!

7:15 AM  

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