Tuesday, July 06, 2004

It's a wonder he ever got his Ph.D...

I mean, when did he have time to study with all the action he was getting? Timothy Perper, Ph.D. has this to say about women, "Women initiate courtship gestures 66% of the time... In a social setting women will approach, talk, turn toward a man, and - most importantly - make physical contact in a subtle manner that goes right over a man's head. A light touch on the hand or elbow can be the female equivalent of a neon sign shouting 'MAKE LOVE TO ME!!' " Real quick, wouldn't it be "neon sign brightly shining/blinking/flashing"? I've not seen or heard many signs "shouting". Back to business... Is he talking about strangers? Friends? Wives/girlfriends? If my wife did this, then yes, she might have had a few too many, and I might be getting some that night. BUT... If I'm at a party (when I was single), and some girl lightly touches my elbow... You see what I'm saying? Or am I the moron who just let the "MAKE LOVE TO ME" neon sign walk away? (BTW Kennedy... That last sentence was a personification of the sign. There are no neon signs that actually walk.) She might be intereted in making out, maybe a li'l sumpin-sumpin, but a light elbow touch does not blow the charge bugle (no pun intended). In fact, the last girl who walked over to me and touched my arm was just trying to stay up, the drunk beyotch!!! Dr Timothy continues, "...if she looks away, if she doesn't lean in - these are sure signs she's not into it. The respectful thing to do is let it go. Ironically, that sign of respect may win you points at a later time." This dude is the most general, non-sex-getting fool in the world and he's trying to tell me how to "become the type of lover women crave"? Are you ready for how much sex he's not getting? Here it is: He finishes his commentary with, "...read this advice and file it in your subconscious, where it will take seed, and later blossom organically as a many-petaled flower of love." WHAT THE F!?!?!? OK ladies... I know I'm asking for it, but... Am I wrong about this, or is Dr. Tim - Love Language Interpreter Extraordinaire - a little rusty? HOLLA!!!

2 Comments:

Blogger Pseudonym said...

I can only speak from experience, and I have to say, that Dr. Tim is on the money. When I'm out on the town, I take special care to make sure I'm groomed to attract the ladies. And it pays off Mikol, why just the other day, a woman turned in my direction. Jackpot. As you know, I was recently travelling which called for me to hang around the airport for a couple of hours. I was sitting across from a wonderful specimen of the female form, who seemed to be doing her best to ignore me. I say ignore, but she would have actually had to acknowldge my existence in order to ignore it. So, here I was thinking, I was striking out, when all of a sudden, she picked at a sore on her face long enough to make it bleed. Well, this was her clear cry for attention. "Please say something! Or stop being so damn sexy!!" She wailed silently. I couldn't let the poor girl sit there after she'd mamed herself to get my attention. "Excuse me... You're bleeding." Followed by a wink. She was a pitiful sight, couldn't even finish a sentence in my presence. I can only assume she was overcome as she rushed off to the bathroom. I couldn't possibly be with someone who was so in awe of my physical perfection. Just when I thought the trip would be filled with nothing but giggling school girls running from my manly amour, I was pleasantly surprised when a woman struck up a conversation with me, "Fasten your seatbelt sir." "No need for the formality of calling me sir when you're sizing up my package darlin'." Not only that, but she kept coming by asking if she could get me a drink, or dinner. Talk about persistant. The trick is to stay alert. I think you'll find just as many women gagging for it. G.

8:10 AM  
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